Extra! Special Report: Papal Fashion

Trouserville Exclusive!  I just got a sneak peek at the  What I Wore fashion feature for next Thursday's  NYTimes Styles Section which will feature the oldster of the moment, Pope Francis I.  His Popiness shares a rundown on his schedule and fashion choices for his first week in power.

March 13
First day as Pope.  Busy.

Wore the pre-tailored off the rack whites.

Thank God no one could see my shoes.

Official Papal Tattoo

Faked everyone out by naming myself Francis--heh, heh, not the Birdman of Assisi, dudes, but Francis Xavier, Soldier of Christ, co-founder of the Jesuits, rabid globe-trotting missionary.  BTW, I find those references to Francis the Talking Mule to be offensive. FYI, I come from Argentina, not Bolivia, and in Argentina a mule has four legs.  

Considering tweeting under name @F-Papa instead of @pontifex to appeal to a new demographic.

March 14
Second day as Pope.

Visited Benedict.  Emeritus Shmeritus, but he offered me a deal on some inside information.  Told me to lose the eyeglasses, says they me look like just another two-Euro cleric.

Still wearing the god-awful, too tight, off the rack whites.  Sheesh, you think those uppity Italian tailors could have run up an XL while they were at it; not everyone has an Armani model body type.

Popemobile very comfortable compared to riding the bus to work back in Buenos Aires, though.

March 15
Third day as Pope.
Same white duds.

Issued edict declaring FrancisFrancis to be the official espresso machine of my reign--IF they can customize the paint job to gold and white.

Issued edict declaring that from now on papal robe would have divided skirt, aka, gaucho pants. 

Had lackey call Prada to put in order for red gaucho boots to replace the lame red house slippers and to ask for a matching riding crop.

March 16
Fourth day as Pope.

Received Keys to the Kingdom and Keys to the Sauna.

Told lackey to book sauna for inauguration party. 

Asked lackey to order ivory towels to replace the red ones I brought with me from home.

Found out it was a gay sauna.  Told lackey to book it anyhow, but to make it clear to the attendees that same-sex marriages would not be countenanced during the festivities.

March 17
Fifth day as Pope.

Formal wear for Sunday Mass.  Triple Crown is mucho heavy. Couldn't wait to get back and change into my ivory sweatpants, Holy Mary Mother of God tee shirt, and my kick ass Torquemada wrought iron neck chain and knuckle rings.

Grand Inquisitor Torquemada

Green beer chug-a-lug party with Sean O'Malley in honor of St. Paddy's Day.  Good times! Agreed to offer special prayers for the Patriots and the Red Sox, drew the line at the Revs. Doesn't he know I'm a San Lorenzo  fan? Ravens Rule, Revs Drool!  Did ask him if he could get me an introduction to Boston celebs Tom & Gi since she and I share a continent of origin even if we don't share the same body type.

Made note to  issue order of excommunication for Trouserville; she is a godless secular humanist and can expect the Inquisitors when she least expects it.




A big Trouserville Thank You to my sister Trish who supplies me with a steady stream of inspiration on ecclesiastical topics.  Bless you, my child.