Cardinal Dolan, Caped Crusader for Christ

Maybe he just breathed in too much incense, or overdid it on the jelly beans, but Timothy Cardinal Dolan's Easter Sunday remarks about the Catholic Church and gays ( as reported in The New York TImes) were deliciously chuckleheaded.  

“I think what we can’t tamper with what God has revealed,” he added. But, he said, “we can try to do better in the way we present them with more credibility and in a more compelling way.”

And what is this more credible, more compelling way?  He's going to tell them he loves them, god loves them, the catholic church understands their needs for "friendship," so come on down.  But, well, um, erm, just don't expect to ever have sex again, because you know that sex is only for the married, and married is “one man, one woman, forever, to bring about new life."

Well, good luck with that, Timbo.  Smilin' Frankie may be a really nice guy,  humble pope, and all that, but I don't think the combined super Spidey powers  of St. John the Baptist, Don Draper and Big Data  can help you and the lads.  Hmm-mm-mm. Have you considered asking those clever folks at Big Food how to create the "crave" for the communion wafers?  Maybe you could toss the wafers, unconsecrated of course, off a float at this year's Pride parade.  They always welcome men in dresses, and yours are fabulous, but I think you'll have to do some serious work on your hair and makeup. 

Pax vobiscum, homines. 
(Or, as we say here on earth, "Peace out, dudes.")

Nota Bene:  To those of you who think I am being too mean to the pope and the cardinals, I would like to point out two things.  First, without trying very hard at all, I could be a lot more scathing.  Second,  these people are professional cheek-turners and wannabe martyrs, so in the remote eventuality that any contumely that I might dish out here comes to their attention, it will be as catnip to cats. How do I know? "Jesus said it*, so it must be true."  And he says I can take their coats and their cloaks, too, so there.

*Right over here in Matthew 5:38-40
38 Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth:

39 But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.

40 And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak, also.