"The Devil Made Me Do It,"

quipped Pope Francis after laying hands on a man in a wheelchair on Sunday in what some Vatican sources in an attempt to downplay the event are terming an unintentional exorcism, but which actual exorcists are claiming as a full-fledged casting out of devils.

"I could see Satan inside that young man, sticking his tongue out at me, and rolling his eyes, and wiggling his horns, so what else could I do against such evil?  I had to slap him upside the head," said Francis. "It felt good."

The young man/spawn of Satan reportedly heaved several times and collapsed.  The Vatican denies that this was a flashback, or post-traumatic panic attack, triggered by the sight of a man in a cassock approaching him with outstretched hands and then laying those hands upon him.

Satan watchers are thrilled that the new Pope has such excellent anti-satanic skills, and are hoping he can bring them to bear on such devilish tricks as global warming, hurricanes, tornadoes and the continued popularity of reality TV, especially Dancing with the Stars. Satan worshippers are, however, keeping a wary eye on Francis, whose activities they view as a threat to their religious practices.

The Vatican Office of Liturgy has announced that, in honor of Pope Francis, congregations may, if they choose, replace  reciting The Lord's Prayer with singing The Witch Doctor.

Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang

Walla walla, bing bang